The Rapture (Yeah Right!)

So today was supposed to be the "Rapture" of 200 million Christians and of course, because God is a mystery not a math problem, nothing happened and life goes on as normal. Children starve, grown men can't find work to support their families and people still lose their houses. Last night we had a girls night and we were talking about how messed up our political system is and how change can't happen within the youth of America because they have been raised with the lifestyle of instant gratification in all aspects of their lives. So we were talking about what we wanted to happen within our country and we came up with a couple great ideas. First, how about a television station that reports only good news and inspirational stories of hope, instead of fear mongering and scare tactics? How many times have you watched the news and just been disgusted by all the negativity you see and the horror of the stories. Second, how about a presidential candidate that doesn't spend millions of dollars on a campaign but instead takes that money and puts to good use instead of using it to further his career? He or she could depend on radio and television coverage instead of mean spirited ads and pointless signs that sit in people's front yards and end up in the trash. Third, instead of taking the arts and physical fitness out of schools how about add a mandatory survival class? Basic knowledge for the our children on how to raise chickens and if needed what plants to eat and which ones are poisonous. What we have is not sustainable forever. Nothing is, and we are totally heading for something that will change the way we live our lives today. We should be making plans! A Zombie Apocalypse? Seriously? Come on people. What if that really happened. Who do you know who would be able to survive? I know I can build a fire, but I never learned to skin a squirrel or rabbit. How would I eat? How would I protect myself? I walk everyday its not raining but could I seriously outrun a Zombie? HA! Things have to change! Obama promised a new way way of doing things and everything is the same. He's just like every other politician, maybe worse in some ways because of the hope he inspired and then failed to make it happen. Obviously we as Americans WANT change and go after those who promise it, but when they don't deliver why do we just sit on our couches, watch our scary news stations and say "oh well"? We should stand up for ourselves and the way of life that we desire! Stop taking it up the butt Americans. What if the Rapture truly did happen sometime in the near future? What if something terrible does occur in December 2012? What the hell are we going to do? We are a nation of specialists. Take away one set of workers, say the people who run the electricity in Pennsylvania and the whole state goes into a black out and people go crazy. What kind of legacy do YOU want to leave for your children? Stand up and make a change. For myself, I know I'm going to start doing research on edible plants in PA and the correct way to skin a small furry creature! I will not be caught with my stylish jeans around my ankles and my smart phone as the only way I know people's phone numbers. I'm buying an address book tomorrow! All I know is that what we have cannot continue like it has been without something happening. Weather its the end of times or a change to Socialism, or the Zombie Apocalypse, we must know how to function outside of our normal way of living. And if you don't like something about the way the world is turning, stand up and say NO! I don't support that dammit! I voted for this and you promised us this and we WANT IT NOW! No one can stop you for speaking truth. The truth is so powerful. So I say to all of you, who like me were not chosen for the "Rapture" today, something is coming . . .Are you ready?

"The Secret Language of Flowers" by Vanessa Diffenbaugh

In Vanessa Diffenbaugh's debut novel "The Language of Flowers" the main character Victoria is an emancipated foster care teenager of the age of 18. Through the use of the Victorian language of flowers, she uses them to communicate her feelings of anger, mistrust, and loneliness. Now homeless, she gets inspired to use this secret language for something positive by working at a florist shop.


Through the florist, Victoria meets a mysterious man at the flower vendors and unknowingly reconnects with him, having known him a decade earlier. For someone who lives everyday in extreme guilt for the things she's done in her past, this connections makes her confront her pain and forces Victoria to either walk away from the people she's hurt but still loves, or to seek forgiveness and ask for a second chance at happiness.


Diffenbaugh, taking inspiration from her own foster children, writes a novel that challenges the reader not to feel for Victoria and the struggles she's overcome though such adversity. It is a beautiful debut novel with a hopeful, inspiring, and love filled message of second chances.

"The Sweetness of Tears" by Nafisa Haji

Nsfisa Haji's powerful novel "The Sweetness of Tears" crosses cultures, continents, and traditions in its familiar themes of family, love, acceptance, and forgiveness. Throughout the pages of Haji's novel, she weaves a story both compelling and moving. Weather the plot takes you to Pakistan, Iraq, or America weather in Urdu, Arabic or English, "The Sweetness of Tears" ,moves the reader to understanding and inspires detailed imagery.


Jo March, a young American woman with a twin brother Chris, grew up in a Christian Dynasty, starts yo have doubts and ask some very important, life changing questions, the answers change the course of her life. As she follows her passion for languages the War on Terror interrupts her plans, leading her to investigate the mystery of her heritage, which leads her on a journey across cultures, introducing her to family she never knew existed, and gives her an appreciation of religions and an understanding of what real faith is. 


Jo learns the details of both sides of her families' lives and how it all comes together to lead to her and Chris's birth. Through this journey, both the reader and Jo learn of stories of pain, loss, love, family dysfunction, and secrets that affect her families' histories. "The Sweetness of Tears" is everything a reader wants a novel to be; exciting, educational, inspiring, and moving. Nafisa Haji hits a home run in her second novel and I look forward to reading more from her.

"The Art of Saying Goodbye" by Ellyn Bache

When someone's life takes a turn for the worse, it effects everyone around them in different and dramatic ways. That is the story in "The Art of Saying Goodbye" by Ellyn Bache. Paisley Lamm is a high spirited, life of the party, mother of two, married woman who is stunningly diagnosed with pancreatic cancer at age 52 on a warm October day. With the cancer having spread to her liver, there is no hope of recovery and the women around Paisley must come to terms with her imminent passing. She has four neighborhood friends that have been in her life for the raising of her children and shared triumphs and pains. These four woman must stand tall and in their own ways deal with the loss of their friend and sometimes confidant. 


Over the next two months, Paisley's health fails in drastic ways and Andrea, Iona, Ginger, and Julianne (who discovered her enlarged liver at a routine check up at the foot doctor where she is a nurse) all search for ways to show their love and affection for the friend who has in each case changed or bettered their lives with her intervention or words of encouragement. The book is about each friend's struggle to come to terms with the inevitable passing of a dear friend and how to say goodbye when the time comes.


Bache is a well rounded writer and has a trained hand at women's fiction. This is a heartfelt and touching novel about loss and life and the struggle to lead meaningful lives. It is heartwarming and inspiring. A "Great, Great" read for women's fiction lovers out there.

Life is so Short and Precious

So as you may have heard I am a new Aunt to a beautiful boy named William Neko Bell Guarini who was born 4/26/11 at 6:26am weighing 7lbs 2oz. He is perfect and so handsome and doing so good. Reina and Justin are madly in love with him and sometimes I catch them looking at each other like "oh my God, did we make this miracle?"  It's very sweet to see. Lola is of course having some difficulties but loves her baby brother so much and all she wants to do is hold him and touch him. She is slowly getting used to this new life with a baby in the picture. All in all, everybody is healthy and happy and in love. 

In other news, that I guy I really liked and went out with a couple times, is very sick and I haven't been able to see him for weeks now and he barely talks to me. He was diagnosed with a brain tumor the size of a peach pit and has been back and forth from Jefferson for testing. So far as I know its inoperable unless they can go in with a gamma knife which he's probably already found out about but I haven't been able to get him to respond to my calls and texts. I am very worried about him since he is all alone having no parents and a brother he can't depend on. He lives alone with his best friend Sophie (who is a 95lb Doberman) and his three cats. I hope he has some friends to talk to because so far he's not talking to Steph and they've been friends for years. I was very ready to be there for him but it's hard to try and be someone's friend when they're not ready for it. I tried and that's all I can say. If he needs me, he knows my number and I hope he calls. Keep Matt in your prayers. He needs a miracle now!


Other than that I have been working again, which is a God send, and am looking forward to start helping Reina on Mondays, Tuesdays, and Wednesdays with the house work and taking care of Lola and Will when she needs help. I will be getting paid so it's not out of the goodness of my heart but you know I would do it for free. It just leaves me free to help instead of going out and looking for a new job to cover those days. We will be spending a couple weekends down at the beach since Justin is doing a show down at the beach later in May. So looking forward to playing with Lola in the sand.


I've been taking pictures like a mad woman and just invested some money in a 1TB external hard drive to store all my pictures so I don't bog down the computer my Dad so awesomely got me. Speaking of that, I love my computer and it's good for right now but I'm going to need an updated model soon! It is just below the cut off for being able to upgrade to the programs I really want on my computer like Photoshop 5 and iPhoto 9. But I'm so lucky to have something to work on and I think my pictures of been looking good so I'm happy for now. Everything is crazy and wonderful. Its in those moments of craziness where you can find true humor and wonder. Keep your eyes peeled for the moments in your life.

Blood Red Road by Moira Young

Blood Red Road by Moira Young is an adventurous tale of of family split apart through tragedy and the search for a lost loved one through adversity and struggle. Young 18 year old Saba is a twin to her brother Lugh and they live in a post modern world surviving on scrapes and living by a dying lake. They live with their father, who has never recovered from their mother's death nine years ago, and their little sister Emmi, who's birth was the cause of their mother's passing. On a normal day their lives are turned upside down, ending with their father murdered and Lugh kidnapped for no apparent reason, leaving Saba and Emmi to either pick up the pieces of their lives or to set out to rescue their brother and find out why he was kidnapped. 


During this adventure Saba, who has never forgiven her sister for the death of her mother, finds love for Emmi and no matter how hard she tries to keep her safe and out of her hair can't seem to stop Emmi from coming to rescue Lugh with her. During their search,Emmi and Saba are kidnapped themselves and Saba is forced to fight for her life for over a month while her bother is still missing, but her captivity leads her to discover the reason for his kidnapping and the evil plan the King has concerning  her twin. Making a leap of faith she escapes with her sister with the help of some new allies. In this way Saba discovers what it's like to trust people and she makes friends who help her in her search for her brother Lugh. During her escape she rescues a man she feels strangely drawn to. With her new allies and this man Jack she sets off in search for her brother before midsummer's eve when he is to be sacrificed for the King.


This story is about the growth of a young woman during times of adversity and strife, while she struggles to hold on to the family she loves and the best friends she's ever known. Never having had friends before she learns to treat them with care and affection and learns the importance of friendship and trust. It is a story of good triumphing over evil in every sense of the phrase. I would classify this book as Young Adult fiction and would recommend it to anyone under the age of 21. No profanity really and no sex. The hardest part of this book is it is all written in the way Saba and her friends speak so it takes some getting used to.

The Waiting Game

So by this time I wrote my next blog I was hoping to be a new Aunt to a new baby boy. But alas he has yet to make his arrival in this world. We have taken walks and done deep breathing and thought the water had a slow leak all to now avail. Reina and Lola have a pass word for when her water breaks and that is "peaches". We were joking yesterday during our walk that it would be funny if Reina's water broke at Lola's school portfolio showing last night and she would have to turn guiltily to Lola and say Peaches in front of all the parents. But again, alas, no such embarrassment ensued. So I am still without a nephew to call my own, but I feel his time is near. Reina is more than ready and Justin is a nervous reck every time he gets in the car to drive to work in New York. We are all praying he is able to attend the birth and hoping he makes it home in time and safely. 


In other news, I have been dating for the first time in a year. I had a couple dates with two very nice men who were definitely not for me. No real jobs, messed up family life, living with their parents (which I have nothing against since I live with my parents but its hard to date when both people involved live with their families if you know what I mean). But in between those two dates I did something I thought would be a step in the right direction. I bought four beautiful date shirts! I know it sounds silly but I went from having one date to dating three men in a week. It was amazing. And I had no dates when I bought the shirts. I know will give advice to buying date shirts to anyone experiencing a low point in their dating life. 


So with my date shirts all ready and hanging in my closest I went over to visit my best friend Stephanie on Saturday and we had a great time having girl talk and catching up with one another. In the vein of our conversation we were talking about sex and old boyfriends and the name Matt came up who Steph had dated but knew was single and looking for a good woman to go out with. So I said, "Well send him my picture and lets see where things go". So she did and he responded with great excitement and in ten minutes we had exchanged numbers and were texting and he was asking me out on a date that night to go to the Freight House and that he would be picking me up at my house at 8. What!? Yay! So I rushed home after much giddy laughter and flushed checks and got ready for my date texting Matt the whole time trying to figure out what we should wear. Well, I had my date shirts so I was prepared damn it. Well, that was until my sisters saw me and wanted to dress me a little better than the outfit I had put together. So into the closet we went and we figured out a very cute skirt and date shirt outfit with cute sling back heels. My sisters approved and I was allowed to go on my date with Matt.


He showed up in a beautiful car in a suit and off we went to the Freight House where he had made reservations. A bottle of wine was ordered and delicious appetizers and we talked and laughed and drank and flirted to our heart content. We ordered filet and lobster and dessert and by the time we were finished we knew we had clicked. We sat at that restaurant for four hours just talking and it was amazing. After dinner we went to Saurmen park and sat by the water and had our first kiss. Oh my God! So sweet and sexy and amazing. As I said to Reina yesterday, it was like we went to the same kissing school or something. It was perfect.


So now I am actively dating one man named Matt, who owns two of his own houses, works like a mad man, and loves his dog and three cats like his own children. He is something truly special and I am lucky to have met him! All thanks to a simple, but lovely day of girl talk with my best friend. Thank you Steph for your sharing of your old lover with me. Without you, I would have had no dating life for the past three years. Something special is happening in my life and it is all happening at such a crazy time. But hey, like the pact Matt and I made at dinner, I'm just gonna flow with where the emotions take me and have no preconceived ideas of what is expected of me or what is expected of him. I'm going to be calm and see where this goes. So looking forward to getting to know this interesting man more and more as the days go on! Score one for the date shirts!

Grey Street

Grey Street

by Dave Matthews Band

Oh Look at how she listens

She says nothing of what she feels

She just goes Stumbling through her memories

Staring out on to Grey Street

She thinks, "Hey!

How did I come to this?

I dream myself a thousand times around the world,

But I can't get out of this place"

There's an emptiness inside her

And she'd do anything to fill it in

But all the colors mix together-to grey

And it breaks her heart

How she wishes it was different

She prays to God most every night

And though she swears it doesn't listen

There's still a hope in her it might

She says' "I pray, I Pray!

But they fall on deaf ears,

Am I supposed to take it on myself

To get out of this place"

There's loneliness inside her

And she'd do anything to fill it in

And though it's red blood bleeding from her now

It feels like cold blue ice in her heart

When all the colors mix together-to grey

And it breaks her heart

There's a stranger speaks outside her door

Says take what you can from your dreams

Make them as real as anything

It'd take the work out of the courage

But she says, "Please!, Please!

There's a crazy man that's creeping outside my door,

I live on the corner of Grey Street

And the end of the world"

There's an emptiness inside her

And she'd do anything to fill it in

And though it's red blood bleeding from her now

It's more like cold blue ice in her heart

She feels like kicking out all the windows

And setting fire to this life

She could change everything about her using colors bold and bright

But all the colors mix together-to grey

And it breaks her heart

It breaks her heart

To grey . . .

Yeah, yeah . . .

I decided to print these lyrics here because this song meant so much to me when I was struggling through my dependency and after I got out of that terrible life, this song was there for me to use as a inspiration to staying sober. I feel like whenever life turns it mean side to you there's always little things that help keep you going and Dave Matthews songs like Grey Street and Dreaming Tree are two examples of that. With my sister struggling with her own difficulties I was hoping to have her read this and find some inspiration from it also, but I don't think she reads my blog. I want so much for her to find her was through her troubles and find meaning in this life and to become unstuck. I've been there, I know what its like and it's not good. I want to fill her up with love and give her meaning to live, but I can't do enough and that hurts me because I would give her my everything if I could. I am hoping this touches at least someone out there who needed a little inspiration this day. Pray for my sister and for my family. We have a lot going on. Thank you!

Home is Where the Heart is

I moved back in with my parents today and although I am going to miss being there for Reina and Lola everyday, I do love my new room, just like I knew I would in August when it was suppose to be mine then. Its compact but with enough space for everything I need (although I have heard from my mother and father that I take up too much storage space with everything NOT in my room). When I moved back in with my parents the first time after my break up with my fiance, it was nuts because I went from having a whole apartment to just having a room. So I still carry a lot of unnecessary things around with me when I move. This time was better because I had already stored most of those things at my parent's house when they first moved in. I feel bad but what am I supposed to do. I AM GOING TO LIVE ON MY OWN AGAIN! I need that stuff!

Anyway, what I'm NOT looking forward to is listening to my Mom and Dad's rules for the house again. At 76 South Clinton Street it was different because we had lived there our whole lives and knew the rules. Now everything is different because my Mom is more concerned with the abuse the house takes because its not ours. There are certain lights you don't turn on and lights you only turn half way on. There's serious concern about the cat peeing in the house because we had to move her littler today and that CANNOT happen! I've been following Sassy around every time she's gotten up this afternoon. Its ridiculous! There are certain settings on the stove that cause black marks on the pans because my parents refuse to use Teflon(they say it poisons you) and my Mom is not strong enough to get those marks off so my Dad has to do it and he doesn't want to, so set the stove below Medium. AHHHH! I am used to doing what I want and the things I do, do have a purpose and things do eventually get done when I'm ready. Now everything needs to be done when someone else says its time. Turn this off, throw that away now (its been sitting there since I left an hour ago), clean the litter because its your damn cat and I've been doing it this whole time you've lived at the apartment and DO IT NOW. Makes me wonder what would happen if I waited. Something terrible I imagine.

But all around I'm happy in my room and not having to grocery shop all my money away (although I will be chipping in monthly). I am happy to be back with my attention starved cat who needs her mommy to love her up. I'm sad to not have Lola's beautiful face to wake up to every morning, lecturing her about not brushing her Barbies' hair every time she plays with them, and dressing up computer ladies in adorable outfits on my phone and feeding our pet alien. I am sad not to have all that sister time which has brought Reina and I closer together through all of the craziness, but am hoping for the same with Kira now that I'm here with her. Although I will be spending most of my evenings at the apartment so Reina is not alone while Justin is at work (in case her water breaks and he's not there) it will be very different. Thank you Reina and Justin and Lola for taking me in when I needed a place to be and for putting up with my messiness. I love you all!

The baby shower is in a week and my Mom is freaking out about getting ready. I'm nervous because I was a mess the last baby shower and made a complete fool of myself in front of everyone and even feel down the stairs at one point. Not a good memory. Hopefully baby boy's shower will be better and I'll actually behave myself and be there for my sister and her day. Also, let's all pray he's not born before then, okay?! The name is still up in the air although they have a few awesome one's at the top of their list. Reina is having contractions all the time and is uncomfortable, so although I don't want him born before the shower I hope she doesn't have that much longer to be in pain. I can't believe I'm going to have a nephew! What will I do with him. He'll have a penis! So weird! We've been all girls since I was born and this is a big change. I hear baby's get boners! What?! HA! I'll be so embarrassed the first time I see that. Anyway, we're getting as mentally prepared as we can.

So things are in flux again and although I haven't had any work these last couple weeks I did work on some of my own images and have included them here. The model's name is Erin and she is my ex-fiance's sister, whom I adore. It was nerve racking to see her and her mom but was also so nice to kiss their faces and be in their company after the first anxious feelings left. I also got to meet Erin's daughter Faith and that was very special to me. I've included her pictures here. Hope you like my work.

I hope you all have a great week and adjust to the time change with a smile on your face. It won't get drak until 7 now and that's worth a smile! Thanks to Kevin and Nathan and my Dad for their help moving today and the Springers for the use of their big awesome truck. Be good and relax throughout your week ( all except Reina who should be squeezing her legs and you know what together in an attempt to keep the baby inside). Everyone else, have a great week.

Change Is in the Air

So as you have already probably seen on Facebook I have gotten a new job. It is a photographic editing job for a portrait photographer named Denise Kline. She has been in business for twenty years and is very talented and focuses on family, maternity, and baby portraits. Her website is www.denisekilinephotography.com if you want to check out her work or want some portraits done. It has been difficult to learn such a different way to work Photoshop and to learn her style of photography and editing she likes. Its so completely different then the work I do for Looking Glass Photography and the events I do there. I am learning quickly but I don't feel competent enough yet to do much on my own without a little support and guidance from my boss. But its only been a couple of weeks and so I am confident I will learn it soon enough to go to work by myself and get it done right! So happy for this opportunity because work at Looking Glass has been so slow lately that without this new job, I wouldn't have any work right now. I'm so lucky this happened when it did.

But that's not the only new change in the air. I am moving out of my apartment in two weeks (which I just found out about a couple of day ago) to make room for the new baby which will be here sooner than I know it. April is just around the corner and I know Reina needs to get working on a room for the baby, but up and moving so suddenly has made me very nervous. I am not the kind of person that takes to change that well and this is a major change to get used to. It took me ages to get used to living here in the first place and now that I'm in the grove of it I am now leaving to move back home with my parents. I am unfortunately unable to support myself in one bedroom apartment so I really have no other option unless someone out there reads this and needs a roommate or has a room for rent under $400 a month. Even with the new job I'm still only working about 20 hours a week and it's still hard to make ends meet with what I'm spending now every month. Ahhh! It's all so frustrating! And I'm nervous because I'm a home body and Reina is here a lot of the time by herself and I want to be here for her. It just seems that its too bad we don't have another bedroom, at least while Justin is commuting to New York everyday of the week. Another change. Justin starts his run in the Broadway show "American Idiot" on March 1st in New York. SO excited for him and his new black straight hair and fake tattoo! He's worked so hard and its finally paid off and I'm so proud of his achievements!

Also another change is I have been doing some laid back, non paying photo shoots for friends and I'm very happy with the way the pictures are turning out. I did an engagement shoot for Setphanie and Vinay and a maternity shoot for Erin ( my old fiancée's sister) who I hadn't seen in about 4 years. She is so beautiful and I'm so happy to have taken her pictures of her amazingly gorgeous belly. I have yet to get them into Photoshop but I will and they will be great. It awesome to be behind the camera and to feel good about what I'm doing through that viewfinder. If you know anyone looking for engagement photographers please remember my name. The only money I would charge would be a studio fee for the time in the studio I would have to use from my boss.

I have been rereading one of my favorite fantasy series The Wheel of Time by Robert Jordan and Brandon Sanderson who took over for Jordan when he died a couple years ago. I think I'm the kind of person who has to read things twice to have them really stick in her mind. Without that second read its all a blur because of how fast I read and how many books I consume in such a short amount of time usually. The next series I am going to reread is even more involved then The Wheel of Time series. Its call The Malazan Book of the Fallen if anyone is interested in a great story to occupy a lot of their time this spring and summer. Both series are amazing! I would love to be able to talk with someone I know about these books I read. I have been resigned to dork it out with other fans on Twitter about these series. So strange to talk to people you only know through a computer screen and of all things about a story you all love. I know that's like something someone would say in the 1990's but it still blows my mind.

Anyway, things are changing and I'm trying to keep up with the craziness life keeps throwing at me. Soon a new baby will be born and then everything will turn upside down. I am so excited for my nephew (MY NEPHEW!!!) to be born. Spring is coming and everything will be changed for the better. Even if you can't credit that yet, it's true. It just might take a while for you to see it clearly. I believe that truly. I hope this blog finds you all happy and healthy and smiling while looking forward to more days like today and sunny skies for more than one day at a time. Hope you all stay dry tomorrow and remember the rain always goes away. Peace and Love
Alia Renee

Oh Winter, Will You Ever End?

So I'm sitting here dreaming about the summer and all the wonderful thing I'll be doing at this time in 6 months. First of all it won't be dark at this time which I would love right about now. Second I could walk outside to have a cigarette without freezing and shivering. I hate being a smoker and I hate it all the more when its the winter. I could take interesting pictures that aren't all white and snowy. There are a lot of things that I miss right now about the summer but of course I can't change the weather and I obviously am not going to move right this minute so I guess I'll shut up and write about something else.


Things have been very slow at work and I have only been working about one day a week. Thankfully I at least have that one day a week to survive on. Its hard and it takes a lot of money saving shortcuts like shoplifting-what? Just kidding! No, recently Reina has been calling me a little bit Jewish, but when you only have $60 to live on for a week it take a little Jewishness to make it through the week, let me tell you honey. Hehehe! Plus when you spend all your extra money on books it goes fast. It also doesn't help that I can go through a four hundred page book in a one day of laying around the apartment. I think I may have to pull out some books I've already read and reread them because I just don't have the money to spend on reading new books right now. The one good side to not working a lot is all the time I've been spending with Lola and I love spending time with that little 6 year old. She is so sweet and funny and she usually has Reina and I laughing hysterically at her most of the day. I am so lucky to have her around me everyday. Its a joy and a privilege.


I did my first photo shoot with Steph and Vin for their engagement pictures on Saturday. I think they turned out great and I can't wait to work on them and get them looking perfect. I feel confident about doing this for people I know and making their pictures great. I have another photo shoot with a pregnant mom and her daughter at the end of the month and I am so looking forward to it. Steph and her Mom and I went wedding dress shopping after we did the photo shoot and the first dress Steph tried on was the perfect one! It was so beautiful to see her dressed like that and finally realize she really is getting married and soon! I also found my dress for the wedding because she has us all wearing different dresses but in the same color. I felt very beautiful in it and am looking forward to wearing it.


I have been brainstorming on what I could do to meet new guys and I am coming up with blanks. I don't have the money to do a Match.com thing and I refuse to go to a bar to meet men. Reina says that if I shaved my legs maybe guys would talk to me and I say that's ridicules because they don't know I don't shave my legs. Heehee! Anyway, if you have any ideas please share them with me because I am ready to start dating seriously and I'm sick of weekends going by where I have nothing to do because all my girlfriends have boyfriends. (Except you Jess, but you're always busy!) Not that I have any money to go out with but hey, that's what the men are for right?!


I hope you all are weathering the winter well and hope your dreams of summer are as lovely as mine are. The good thing with seasons is that they are a guarantee when so many things in life are not. Thank God for that. Smile and be happy, because although everything may look shitty now there's no way it can just stay that way indefinitely. It always has to eventually get better!

Ah,The New Year Is Here!

So the new year has come and gone with out much of a fuss. I fell asleep before the ball dropped and Reina says she let out a small Yay and then settled down and finished her painting for the night. It was a quiet New Years Eve, with Reina and I having dinner together and me reading silently and Reina painting the woman she dislikes the most in the world's face(unintended of course). The following days since have passed without anything remarkable happening and I have to admit I feel no different than I did in 2010. Maybe that's why we make such a big deal out of New Years Eve so we can remember that we marked the day the year ended. Sitting quietly at home does nothing to mark the change. But it's all I had to work with. Lola's 6th Birthday is in three days and I'm so excited to celebrate with her and the family up in New York for the day. It should be a great time. I spent way too much money on her presents but I truly cannot help myself when it comes to her and moderation. I show my love with gifts and cards and I always have. I don't think it's something I can stop now. Maybe when Lola gets older I'll be able to control myself better?! Work has slowed to a crawl and things are tight. I was hoping to save for a computer in the next couple of months but having no work means I need to spend the money I do have on just surviving the winter. Reina is getting bigger and more beautiful with each passing week and soon enough we will be throwing her a baby-shower to remember. I guess I should start planing that now?! I have a couple wonderful opportunities to take pictures of people coming up this month so I am happy to start working on those projects. Engagements and baby-bellies. Yay! I don't know how the pictures will turn out but the experience should be worth it in the end. I hope I do them justice and they get the pictures they want and need from me. Mentally I am feeling a little bit numb. So many crazy unpredictable things have happened in the past few months that it has left me totally without feelings. No anger or sadness or joy. Just numb. I think I should probably talk to someone about that! Anyway, the New Year is here and as far as I can tell nothing has changed for the better or the worse. Just the last number in the date is different. Hopefully this feeling of numbness will wear off and I can experience some joy in the New Year. I am in desperate need of it! Happy New Year to you!