Grey Street

Grey Street

by Dave Matthews Band

Oh Look at how she listens

She says nothing of what she feels

She just goes Stumbling through her memories

Staring out on to Grey Street

She thinks, "Hey!

How did I come to this?

I dream myself a thousand times around the world,

But I can't get out of this place"

There's an emptiness inside her

And she'd do anything to fill it in

But all the colors mix together-to grey

And it breaks her heart

How she wishes it was different

She prays to God most every night

And though she swears it doesn't listen

There's still a hope in her it might

She says' "I pray, I Pray!

But they fall on deaf ears,

Am I supposed to take it on myself

To get out of this place"

There's loneliness inside her

And she'd do anything to fill it in

And though it's red blood bleeding from her now

It feels like cold blue ice in her heart

When all the colors mix together-to grey

And it breaks her heart

There's a stranger speaks outside her door

Says take what you can from your dreams

Make them as real as anything

It'd take the work out of the courage

But she says, "Please!, Please!

There's a crazy man that's creeping outside my door,

I live on the corner of Grey Street

And the end of the world"

There's an emptiness inside her

And she'd do anything to fill it in

And though it's red blood bleeding from her now

It's more like cold blue ice in her heart

She feels like kicking out all the windows

And setting fire to this life

She could change everything about her using colors bold and bright

But all the colors mix together-to grey

And it breaks her heart

It breaks her heart

To grey . . .

Yeah, yeah . . .

I decided to print these lyrics here because this song meant so much to me when I was struggling through my dependency and after I got out of that terrible life, this song was there for me to use as a inspiration to staying sober. I feel like whenever life turns it mean side to you there's always little things that help keep you going and Dave Matthews songs like Grey Street and Dreaming Tree are two examples of that. With my sister struggling with her own difficulties I was hoping to have her read this and find some inspiration from it also, but I don't think she reads my blog. I want so much for her to find her was through her troubles and find meaning in this life and to become unstuck. I've been there, I know what its like and it's not good. I want to fill her up with love and give her meaning to live, but I can't do enough and that hurts me because I would give her my everything if I could. I am hoping this touches at least someone out there who needed a little inspiration this day. Pray for my sister and for my family. We have a lot going on. Thank you!

Home is Where the Heart is

I moved back in with my parents today and although I am going to miss being there for Reina and Lola everyday, I do love my new room, just like I knew I would in August when it was suppose to be mine then. Its compact but with enough space for everything I need (although I have heard from my mother and father that I take up too much storage space with everything NOT in my room). When I moved back in with my parents the first time after my break up with my fiance, it was nuts because I went from having a whole apartment to just having a room. So I still carry a lot of unnecessary things around with me when I move. This time was better because I had already stored most of those things at my parent's house when they first moved in. I feel bad but what am I supposed to do. I AM GOING TO LIVE ON MY OWN AGAIN! I need that stuff!

Anyway, what I'm NOT looking forward to is listening to my Mom and Dad's rules for the house again. At 76 South Clinton Street it was different because we had lived there our whole lives and knew the rules. Now everything is different because my Mom is more concerned with the abuse the house takes because its not ours. There are certain lights you don't turn on and lights you only turn half way on. There's serious concern about the cat peeing in the house because we had to move her littler today and that CANNOT happen! I've been following Sassy around every time she's gotten up this afternoon. Its ridiculous! There are certain settings on the stove that cause black marks on the pans because my parents refuse to use Teflon(they say it poisons you) and my Mom is not strong enough to get those marks off so my Dad has to do it and he doesn't want to, so set the stove below Medium. AHHHH! I am used to doing what I want and the things I do, do have a purpose and things do eventually get done when I'm ready. Now everything needs to be done when someone else says its time. Turn this off, throw that away now (its been sitting there since I left an hour ago), clean the litter because its your damn cat and I've been doing it this whole time you've lived at the apartment and DO IT NOW. Makes me wonder what would happen if I waited. Something terrible I imagine.

But all around I'm happy in my room and not having to grocery shop all my money away (although I will be chipping in monthly). I am happy to be back with my attention starved cat who needs her mommy to love her up. I'm sad to not have Lola's beautiful face to wake up to every morning, lecturing her about not brushing her Barbies' hair every time she plays with them, and dressing up computer ladies in adorable outfits on my phone and feeding our pet alien. I am sad not to have all that sister time which has brought Reina and I closer together through all of the craziness, but am hoping for the same with Kira now that I'm here with her. Although I will be spending most of my evenings at the apartment so Reina is not alone while Justin is at work (in case her water breaks and he's not there) it will be very different. Thank you Reina and Justin and Lola for taking me in when I needed a place to be and for putting up with my messiness. I love you all!

The baby shower is in a week and my Mom is freaking out about getting ready. I'm nervous because I was a mess the last baby shower and made a complete fool of myself in front of everyone and even feel down the stairs at one point. Not a good memory. Hopefully baby boy's shower will be better and I'll actually behave myself and be there for my sister and her day. Also, let's all pray he's not born before then, okay?! The name is still up in the air although they have a few awesome one's at the top of their list. Reina is having contractions all the time and is uncomfortable, so although I don't want him born before the shower I hope she doesn't have that much longer to be in pain. I can't believe I'm going to have a nephew! What will I do with him. He'll have a penis! So weird! We've been all girls since I was born and this is a big change. I hear baby's get boners! What?! HA! I'll be so embarrassed the first time I see that. Anyway, we're getting as mentally prepared as we can.

So things are in flux again and although I haven't had any work these last couple weeks I did work on some of my own images and have included them here. The model's name is Erin and she is my ex-fiance's sister, whom I adore. It was nerve racking to see her and her mom but was also so nice to kiss their faces and be in their company after the first anxious feelings left. I also got to meet Erin's daughter Faith and that was very special to me. I've included her pictures here. Hope you like my work.

I hope you all have a great week and adjust to the time change with a smile on your face. It won't get drak until 7 now and that's worth a smile! Thanks to Kevin and Nathan and my Dad for their help moving today and the Springers for the use of their big awesome truck. Be good and relax throughout your week ( all except Reina who should be squeezing her legs and you know what together in an attempt to keep the baby inside). Everyone else, have a great week.